Monday 9 February 2015

NO MEANS YES - Pick up advice for women


NO MEANS YES: Pick up advice for women 
Recorded February 8th 2015 
Jazz Verse Jukebox, Ronnie Scott's, Soho
Music improvisation Jazz Verse Jukebox Band 
Simon Wallace - Piano
Davide Mantovani - Double Bass
Steve Taylor - Drums
Rant poetry - written in response to watching youtube clips of Julien Blanc and other ‘the pick up artists’  - This is what a pick up artist's 'motivational speech' sounds like to me, this is pick up advice for women...

“Isolate… ISOLATE… Isolate… No means Yes. NO MEANS YES…Now…you need to figure out how to get the man away from his friends, away from the club, away from the party or whatever and on his OWN, so you can get him into your bed. That’s what I’m talking about That’s what I am talking about. This man has the cock and you need that cock up you and so you have to GET ORGANISED, organise yourself to obtain that result. So what’s the first thing you do? The first thing you do is approach the guy and he’s gonna be all like 'I'm watching the football" IRRELEVANT! “I’m married" IRRELEVANT! or "I'm Gay" IRRELEVANT!  ‘I’m a Monk” IRRELEVANT. You have to SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. Shut that man-talk shit down. Get a boob out. Flash a tit. Do what you have to do to get your fucking fuck inside your wet fuck hole. Inside your wet fucking fuck hole. You need to take that cock and make that cock yours. Don’t take NO for an answer. NO MEANS YES. NO MEANS YES. He’s gonna make excuses like “I have a girlfriend”. Whatever. IRRELEVANT. “I am married.” Irrelevant. SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN “I’m a Buddhist monk.” Irrelevant. SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. Your key aim is a get laid. All of this is irrelevant. Everything he says is IRRELEVANT. Keep focussed on what you WANT and WHAT YOU DESERVE when you want it, don’t take any shit, don’t take NO for answer. No means yes. NO MEANS YES. You have to ISOLATE HIM, get him away from his friends, get him on his own, get him away from the pack. GET HIM AWAY FROM THE PACK. Do what you have to do. Be ahead of the game, have the answers ready, keep on top of it, tell him its an adventure, TELL HIM ABOUT THE PUSSY “I have a wife and she’s going into labour” Irrelevant. After party. Come back to my place. Keep him there, pin him against a wall by his throat, grab his cock, guys love that shit, NO MEANS YES, NO MEANS YES, don’t let him go, tell him about the pussy, the adventure, the after party, “what about my wife” ring her later. “but she’s in labour” SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. Tell him about the pussy. Tell him about the PUSSY. After party. After party. “What about my Buddhism” Forget it. Monkey Monk. Be ahead of his every excuse. Be five steps ahead. Be alert, visualising how are you gonna get him back to your place and get him into your bed and inside you, how are you gonna take what is yours. Keep alert. Keep your eye on the goal, the cock. They love that shit right…they complain about it…. but men, they fucking want it you just have to show them who’s boss…NO MEANS YES. NO MEANS YES. NO MEANS YES.”

Love and thanks to Jumoke Fashola and the Jazz Verse Jukebox band
And also to Sabrina Mahfouz, Amy Acre, R.A. Villanueva and Bird Radio
Thank you to all down at Ronnie Scott's last night!
My next gig is at Rally and Broad, Edinburgh, February 20th
 Please scroll down for more dates and links


Feb 20th: Rally and Broad / Edinburgh 

March 9th: Trio of black british memoirs / Grant, Godden & Gbadamosi / Kings Place, London 

'All Things Considered' NPR Radio
BBC R4:  'Loose Ends' feat. Salena Godden is available Here
BBC R3: 'The Verb' Viv Albertine and Salena Godden on Mixcloud

BBC Scotland: Janice Forsyth 'The Culture Studio' Here
BBC R4: 'The Lost Legacy of Little Miss Cornshucks' itunes podcast Here 

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